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The Malaysian Political Oscars!!


One of the very few columnists that I like in The Star is Huzir Sulaiman. This guy has good sense of humor and I enjoyed reading his articles in his regular column ‘Wide Angle’.  Who is Huzir Sulaiman you ask?

Huzir Sulaiman (born in 1973) is a Malaysian actor, director and writer. One of Malaysia’s leading dramatists, acclaimed for his vibrant, inventive use of language and incisive insight into human behavior in general and the Asian psyche in particular. His plays, often charged with dark humor, political satire, and surrealistic twists, have won numerous awards and international recognition. He currently lives in Singapore.

(Wikipedia)

Now, if you are wondering what happened to his missing article yesterday in his regular Sunday column has got to, well it has been spiked. The article that he wrote was deemed ‘too sensitive’ for the ‘politically correct’ The Star and had to be spiked.

Quoting him:

I am bemused to learn that my editors felt unable to run this fortnight’s Wide Angle. I find it very funny because this week’s column is much lighter and more frothy than some of the other things that have gone through. … I have therefore taken this opportunity to use this spiked piece to inaugurate my blog.

(Source: Bibliobibuli)

Herewith the column by Huzir written for the Sunday Star of 21/9/2008 which was spiked by the paper as being “too sensitive”!

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The Malaysian Political Oscars!
Our political situation is like something out of a movie – so here are the awards. The envelope, please…

The Wide Angle Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, headquartered for no particular reason in Skudai, presents this year’s Malaysian Political Oscars.

The most widely watched television event in Malaysia, the Political Oscar telecast reaches over 1 billion viewers, some of whom are dead, some of whom are 130 years old, and most of whom are registered at the same address.

How does it work? Members of the academy (all Malaysian taxi drivers who despite being allegedly the worst in the world at driving taxis are remarkably good at political analysis) vote on these awards, and the results are tabulated by the auditors of some large accounting firm who would rather do this sort of thing than real accounting work, which might explain the state of the economy.

Here are the nominees and winners.

Best Supporting Actor
It is a crowded field this year, with many stellar performances from both veterans and newcomers.

The nominees include private investigator P. Balasubramaniam in Missing; Pusrawi’s Dr. Mohd Osman in Rear Window; Zaid Ibrahim in Gone in Sixty Seconds; and Raja Petra Kamaruddin in An Inconvenient Truth.

But the Best Supporting Actor Oscar goes to Penang Umno leader Ahmad Ismail for his controversial performance in Pride and Prejudice.

Despite his recent success, which led to him being cast in Under Siege and Raging Bull, Ahmad has flatly refused roles in the films Anger Management and Atonement.

Best Supporting Actress
For her critically-acclaimed performance in Minority Report, this year’s Best Supporting Actress Oscar goes to Sinchew Daily reporter Tan Hoon Cheng.

Interestingly, immediately after that film completed principal photography, Tan was the unwitting star of Catch and Release, a film that may or may not have been directed by Syed Hamid Albar, depending on which version of the studio press kit you read.

Tan spent just 18 hours on location, before quitting, citing creative differences.

Best Cinematography
For his impactful camera work in the V.K. Lingam vehicle The Conversation, the Oscar for Cinematography goes to Gwo Loh Burne.

(Although The Conversation was shot some time ago, due to his refusal to be credited for many months, Gwo Loh Burne could not be given the award earlier. When he finally came forward, this legal thriller was re-released in some markets as The Burne Identity.)

The Conversation beat out Entrapment, starring Chua Soi Lek, which also features an anonymous cinematographer.

Best Foreign-Language Film
Agricultural Study Tour, a Taiwanese sleeper hit, was shot entirely by coincidence, supposedly with no director and no funding.

Nonetheless, a sequel, Exile on My Taiwanese Farm: Peeling my Taugeh might be filmed next year with some of the original cast.

Best Original Screenplay
Jumper, written by Anwar Ibrahim, wins this year’s award. Although the film suffers from a cast of unknowns, whose number seems to fluctuate from scene to scene (though always at least 31), the script is undeniably original and exciting. It also has the potential for numerous sequels, which will prove profitable for the actors.

Best Adapted Screenplay
Written by a team of in-house screenwriters from the Attorney-General’s Studios, The Accused, starring Anwar Ibrahim, is allegedly adapted from instructions given by political superiors. A remake of the 1998 flop, but with many of the same actors and production team.

Best Actress
Seputeh Member of Parliament Teresa Kok was competing against herself this year with sterling performances in a slew of releases: Election; Woman on Top; Supergirl; and, in cinemas until last Friday, the black comedy Enemy of the State.

She wins the Best Actress Oscar, however, for her most famous role, Miss Congeniality, which has earned her praise from audiences and critics alike.

Best Actor
The big stars of yesteryear dominated the Best Actor category this year.

Nominees include S. Samy Vellu in Gone With The Wind; Dr. Mahathir Mohamed in V for Vendetta; and both Najib Tun Razak and Abdullah Ahmad Badawi in the comedy Trading Places.

The winner, however, of the Malaysian Political Oscar for Best Actor is Abdullah Ahmad Badawi for his flawless, nuanced, masterful performance in Eyes Wide Shut.

Best Picture
The nominees for Best Picture in the Malaysian Political Oscars are all gripping epics.

They include the moving story of the many members of Parti Sosialis Malaysia, The Magnificent Seven; the Khairy Jamaluddin biopic Million Dollar Baby; the Hindraf saga, Out for Justice; and the tale of Gerakan in the Barisan Nasional, The End of the Affair.

The winner for Best Picture, however, is the story of the MCA’s struggle against the Internal Security Act, Look Who’s Talking Now.

Lifetime Achievement Award
For his astonishing film career spanning many decades, and including both commercial hits and small but critically-acclaimed art-house movies, Anwar Ibrahim wins the Lifetime Achievement Award.

His roles, in chronological order, include: Wild at Heart; The Young Guns; The Great Debaters; Sleeping With The Enemy; The Insider; The Sweet Smell of Success; Reversal of Fortune; Cast Away; The Accused; The Cell; Cry Freedom!; Into the Wild; Back to the Future; Mission: Impossible; The Perfect Storm; and, most recently, Eastern Promises.

Depending on the outcome of contract negotiations, Anwar’s next movies may include The King and I; Top Gun; and Great Expectations.

Alternatively, he may take roles in Crash; The Departed; and The Forgotten. That’s the thing about show business – you never know what the big stars will do next!

That’s all for this year’s edition of the Malaysian Political Oscars. See you on the red carpet next year!

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Thanks to Huzir for publishing his article at his newly registered blog – ‘Wide Angle‘. Let’s extend him a big welcome to the blogosphere.

Now this is a piece of work!! Pity how much many Malaysians missed out, because of that spike. Stupid The Star, it has denied Malaysians the right to laugh at ourselves. Hey, Wong Chun Wai, is that you that spiked the article? Your article is not funny (often singing praises and glories about the government) and you got jealous? HA! HA! HA!

If there is anything that Malaysians (Asians as well) lack of, it is the ability to make fun and laugh at ourselves. That is why we are being sensitive for no convincing reason, when are we going to get ‘sensitized?’

Huzir probably should include more categories such as:

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Best Local Movie

List of nomines:

Jangan Main Belakang starring Saiful Bukhari (Main Actor) and Anwar Ibrahim(Supporting Actor)

Zombie Kampung Pisang starring Shaberry Cheek for his brilliant of potrayal of foamy mouth, reminds you of hungry zombie.

Best TV Shows

List of nominees:

Jangan Tidur Lagi with Best Host: Anwar Ibrahim and Best Guest: Abdullah Ahmad Badawi;

Seekers, a a series where a group of people go searching for and trying to prove the existence of things that are not there, starring PDRM Special Branch boys;

Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah with Best Editor: Tun Dr Mahathir for his selective portrayal of Malaysian history.

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We need to have the most sensational, star glittering Oscar in Malaysia so keep your suggestions coming, people!!!

ps: Thanks to bunch of friends at Facebook Group for their creative suggestions. :lol:

 

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23 Responses to “The Malaysian Political Oscars!!”

  1. aeropama dot com wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 2:03 pm

    after gone thru huzir’s article, i found that u’re quite similar with him bong. maybe u could replace him. lalalalalal 😛

    additional categories added by you… wahahaha… funny & pedas… 😀

    [Reply]

  2. bongkersz wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Oh tidak.. jauh sekali bro. Aku cuma ikan bilis, penulis blog picisan hahahahahaha! Some of the additional categories are by my friends 😛

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  3. atreyu strange wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    There’s nothing sensitive about this article! It’s just a humor-me article! 🙄

    [Reply]

  4. aeropama dot com wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    don’t be so modest bong! u’re qualified for it maa…

    [Reply]

  5. bongkersz wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    I wonder what so sensitive about the article. It’s a wonderfully done article. Perhaps some people have very limited sense of humor. Biasalah, lembab sikit dan cepat melenting 😀

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  6. Kavi wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 3:01 pm

    LOL! Thanks a lot for bringing this article out… hilarious! not to mention that ur own categories are no lesser comedic than the others! Touche, my friend!

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  7. ellyda zsazsa wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 3:38 pm

    you forget csi.. investigating the crime scene at damansara apartment and all talks about DNA.. this is funny.. if they got out articles like this.. i would buy the star yesterday..

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  8. Sarawak Laksa wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    HAHAHAHA…! 😀 this is a really good one! Is there really a local movie called Jangan Main Belakang?

    [Reply]

  9. lochoe wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 4:53 pm

    aku suka la.. haha, aku dah submit kat arkib.com.my guna link ko.. ahahaha..

    siap aku spam.. 200 ribu lagi suruh datang baca.. ha hua hua.. jehee

    [Reply]

  10. bongkersz wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 4:59 pm

    Thanks lochoe! Aku baru jer register kat arkib.com.my 😀 Banyak sangat dah aggregator kena update ni, negaraku.net, petalingstreet.org hehe.

    [Reply]

  11. bongkersz wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    Hey man! I am waiting for your new parodies to come 😛 Please keep making them hahaha! Can’t get enough. Thanks for dropping by 😀

    [Reply]

  12. lochoe wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 5:07 pm

    itu org panggil aggrgator ke?.. ntah aku buat saja2 je, baru nak main2 dgn politik.. tapi mesti la bangga kalau ko mention kat blog ko ek.. sejuk hati aku.. mata aku pun sejuk.. hua hua..

    [Reply]

  13. bongkersz wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    There is a Malay movie called ‘Jangan Pandang Belakang’, an award winning movie, horror movie. HAHAHA! What? You really think there is a movie called Jangan Main Belakang? That will sure get the axed from the Censorship Board 😀 😀 😀

    [Reply]

  14. bongkersz wrote on Sep 22, 2008 at 5:10 pm

    I normally lepak at mamak stall and read it for free or just go online read. Not worth my RM1.20 to spend on the paper. I love the other sections except the BN masturbation part….

    [Reply]

  15. Ah Po wrote on Sep 23, 2008 at 11:39 am

    Hahaha… that was a good one! Gotta post the link in my blog…..

    [Reply]

  16. bongkersz wrote on Sep 23, 2008 at 11:59 am

    Share it around! 😆 😆

    [Reply]

  17. Judith wrote on Sep 23, 2008 at 3:28 pm

    Hey there! Check out my website at http://www.runwiththewave.com Come and experience the waves of Penang! Join us for a BBQ buffet at the beach with watersports activities included this Christmas.

    [Reply]

  18. anonymous wrote on Sep 25, 2008 at 12:33 am

    I love all the male DJs in traxxfm. So much so their bosses took them off air. Now I am very sad. All I hear are female voices. Since you know them, can you kindly please tell them to come on air again ? Before 8 in the morning. After 10 in the morning. Before 2 in the afternoon. After 5 in the afternoon. Please, please, please. Oh. We don’t know each other. But we know traxxfm. Peace, bro.

    [Reply]

  19. bongkersz wrote on Sep 26, 2008 at 11:05 am

    I doubt I can do much bro. They themselves can’t do much, since they are working for the boss, who is the one making the call. 🙁 🙁

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  20. Yuz wrote on Sep 26, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    eh,aku rase mcm ade title Jangan Main Belakang tu. drama kat astro ria.

    [Reply]

  21. bongkersz wrote on Sep 29, 2008 at 9:00 am

    Ko biar betul… ade ke? 😕 😕 😕

    [Reply]

  22. Yuz wrote on Oct 5, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    betul..mmg ada pun..

    http://malaysian-humor.blogspot.com/2008/05/jangan-main-belakang-new-tv-series-for.html

    [Reply]

  23. bongkersz wrote on Oct 5, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    muahahahahahaha! 😀 😀 😀 😀

    [Reply]

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