The Flaccid Mind

Balls and Boobs Talk: Ultimate guide to gravity defying balls, both genders included.

Talking about balls can be fun.. when you have the right company. It all started when a friend put up a photo of another friend for the rest to ‘poke fun’ at..

(reproduced with permission, after changing only the names to protect the innocent ones.. )

Saggie: Is that a boxer !!! sassy !!!

Saggie: I have mid life crisis…toying with the idea of switching to Boxers from Briefs…must ensure the “garden of good and evil” longevity ….

Botak: Saggie.. boxers memang best sekali. rasa angin… sepoi sepoi bahasa. tidak ‘terjerat’ hahaha!

Saggie: Yep…but then it tend to stick on the butt crack…must re adjust often…

Hot Mama: Erm…boxers being soooo loose and hence doesn’t give enough support….wouldn’t one’s balls sag later on? *shy*

Saggie: sagging balls are ok…limp tools are not…

Jolie: ROTFLMAO!

Botak: why boxers stick to butt crack? huge crack you got there moyte… er.. sagging balls? i thought the balls are saggy in its natural state? enlighten me please.. any non sagging balls around? omaigoat!!!

Jolie: u guys! i’m laughing lintang pukang at the mo.. LMAO…

Hot Mama: Erm….saggier than usual lah Botak…….Like old ladies’ breast…..not hot no?

Botak: what i know is when it’s cold.. the balls are not saggy.. but when it’s hot.. they are saggy.. nothing to do with not enough support nyahahahaha!!!! hence.. you never heard of ‘wonder brief’ or push up brief.. push up speedo.. push up boxer.. but only push up bras. hahahaha!

Saggie: Who cares about sagging balls as long as the canon is there ready for duty… Not that mine is sagging…

Botak: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahaahahahhaaaa!! i saw old ladies breast before.. not a pretty sight.. (well they do not bother to cover up anymore.. hahahaha! at rumah panjang.. kampungs…) now.. i have image of sagging balls.. the balls sag to the knees… OH MAI GOATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!! Hot Mama, you polluted my brain with such image.

Hot Mama: Got push-up brief lah………that’s why David beckham’s latest underwear photos make his balls look so big…..got extra padding…..

Jolie: ouch ouch…i laughed so hard i think i passed gas! ;P

Saggie: Botak ..why are you imagining about sagging balls ??? sagging tool is ok…l.o.n.g.e.r

Botak: really????? push up brief???? hahahahaha! hmm.. who cares about the size of the balls.. they care about the size of the cannon. haha

Jolie: Hot Mama!!! hahahahahahaha u noticed david’s balls? yr eyes sharper than mine! LOL!!!

Hot Mama: Hahah….know what u mean Botak…….was cursed having to see old ladies’ sagging breast when in the gym changing room last time…..they just walk around with their breasts swinging side to side………imagine the same with the balls.…….LOL!!!!

Saggie: what the hell is push up brief ?..push up the balls…

Botak: Gregg Homme Push Up Padded Boxer Brief. … This great boxer brief has a removable padded pouch inside which accentuates your manhood.

HAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!! Hey only one brand. Hot Mama, there is not push up boxer la.. hahahaha! well models yes they do use padding.. for the boxers/briefs advertisement.. to make them look. well BIG. but it’s not for sale i guess??

Saggie: Sagging breast can use to swat flies of your back… (I laughed till I when I read this… )

Hot Mama: Hahaha…those balls were huge Jolie….dun need sharp eyes……. Erm……must balance lah….big cannon but small balls…..hhhmmmmmm…..total turn off that….LOL!!!!

Saggie: big sagging balls with small hammer also useless..looks like a frog me think..

Botak: HAHAHAHA!! Saggie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHA!! *swats swats!* hoi, respect your grandmas.. lol

Hot Mama: Swat flies!!!!!????? ROTFLMAO!!!!!! Yes yes…must balance……hahaahahha

Jolie: hahahahaha………crotch enhancer!!!! Botak how u know?!! now Saggie all interested! Hot Mama….swinging boobs?!!! hahahahaha…….

Saggie: grandma…big mosquito on your back..

ok…no problem..(take off sarung)

wosshh..cepek !!!! (put sarung back on )

Jolie: ROTFLMAO!!!!! swat flies….ouch i’m laughing so hard i got tears now…i’m def awake now! hahahahahaha! u guys !

Saggie: Sure Botak…my late grandma….me brother always said to me whenever I remark on girls with huge mamaries…”remember atuk ??” hmmm

Thie: never knew such a thing existed…how naive i am

Jolie:HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!………. Saggie! ouch ouch!

Hot Mama: Saggie is really killing me!!! LOL!!!!! Poor makciks!!!

Botak: hahahaa.. i am muffling my laugh.. hahahahaa!! hahahahaa! lucky i got cubicle..

Thie: all things push up,i mean. lol!

Jolie: i remember my grandma’s boobies….so i can totally relate!!! they hv to lift it up when they wash! :P:P:P

Saggie: I read somewhere…porn actors shave down there to make the canon looks bigger..so to make the balls looks less saggier…

Jolie: just be steady with the shaver saggie! LOL…don’t want u to hv a slip of hand or stg liddat!

Hot Mama: I think men should seriously think about shaving….or at least trim

Saggie: Shaving down there no sweats…the sacks however…tricky business.. Men..Women..must all shave…the hair tickle the nose…geli

Jolie: hahahahahahahahaha….Saggie …. don’t start again…. sacks! how the hell u come up with all these terms?!! ;P

Hot Mama: Hair tickle the nose!!!!????? OMG!!!!!! Cannot tahan liao!!!! *actually rolling on floor*

Shaggie: You end up sneezing…not sexy sneezing your dinner bits on that garden

Botak: when the hairs tickle the nose.. that’s the cue to shave it off

Jolie: oh gosh…..i burnt a couple of calories from just laughing i believe. my stomach hurt like hell!

Hot Mama: Erm……can also avoid altogether to have your nose tickled rite?

Jolie: eh the longer the better, can part the grass and hold it down with no strays …when it’s growing, it’s like pins and needles, i remember Henn said this before! unless you’re into pain , then it’s bonus! ;-P

Hot Mama: Jolie!!!!!! Part the grass!!!!!?????

What an insightful conversation. I learned so much.

5. Sagging breast can use to swat flies of your back

8. Hair tickles.. so shave!! Shaving is necessary, just as narcissism is necessary!

Disclaimer: No disrespect to the elders or anyone with saggy balls or boobs.

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Posted in Facebook, Friends, Fun, Humour, Meaningless | 30 Comments »

Sodomee may cause constipation??

(Image source: TV Smith)

This is too funny… Nyahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Take note, next time if you have constipation problem, your doctor may ask you some ‘disturbing questions’ such as:

You: Yor Doc, I have trouble passing my crap for the pass few days. I feel constipated.

Doctor: Errm..hrmm hmm… Did you have anal sex before?

You: No!

Doctor: Did you ‘accidentally’ put any object in your anus before?

You: Of course not!

Had you been sodomised?

Me:

ROTFLMAOWLKITA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From NST:

Police classify case as sodomy

KUALA LUMPUR: The sexual assault report against Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim has been classified as sodomy.

This was the first time police have revealed that investigations had started after earlier saying that the allegations were mere heresay.

Yesterday, Deputy Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Ismail Omar put to rest speculation about the investigations.

“The case has been classified as sodomy,” he told the New Straits Times, adding that he could not comment further as investigations were still going on.

It was, however, learnt that police had classified the case as sodomy after receiving the medical report on the accuser, Mohd Saiful Bukhari Azlan, who was an aide to the Parti Keadilan Rakyat de facto leader.

On Sunday, Federal CID director Datuk Bakri Zinin had urged the public not to speculate on the case, saying police needed time to probe the allegations, which at the time, were merely hearsay.Mohd Saiful, 23, had lodged a police report on Saturday, alleging that he had been sodomised by his boss, Anwar, several times.On Monday, police forensics personnel were seen going into a unit at the Desa Damansara condominiums here in Damansara Heights, where the alleged incident took place.

On allegations by a relative of Mohd Saiful that several police stations had earlier refused to accept his report after he named Anwar as the “assailant”, Ismail said they were investigating that claim.

Mohd Saiful, meanwhile, is believed to be under police protection. His family claimed that they have had no news from him ever since he lodged the report on Saturday night.

Checks yesterday also revealed that doctors at the Kuala Lumpur Hospital, after a battery of tests, found indications that Mohd Saiful had engaged in anal sex.

The New Straits Times learnt that doctors had taken stool samples for further investigation.

It was believed that Mohd Saiful had also complained of constipation when he was taken to the Hospital Kuala Lumpur outpatient ward.

Doctors, however, found something amiss during the check-up and upon questioning Mohd Saiful, learnt that he had been sodomised.

Checks on the Internet reveal that acute or forced sodomy can cause constipation. A University Malaya Medical Centre doctor said fear, mental trauma and the physical act could have caused the constipation.

“An anal tear and the pain could have resulted in the victim having difficulty in passing motion.”

HAHAHAHA! What? Checks on the Internet? Imagine this reporter googling ‘constipation+sodomy’. Hmm.. contrary to popular beliefs that anal sex ‘loosen’ the passage and make it easier for you to crap, it will cause constipation? I am enlightened again! For all this while I thought constipation happenned because either you have piles, lack of fibre or didn’t drink enough water!!! Pardon my ignorance.

Then, since when a person suffering from constipation need to go to the Kuala Lumpur General Hospital to be checked? Go normal general practitioner will do lah! An enema will solve the problem. So many DOCTORS to check on constipation instead of a doctor.

Community message from The Flaccid Mind :

Stay away from hammering someone’s backside or allowing back entry. It is CONSTIPATING.

Warning by the government of Malaysia

Under Section 377A of the Penal code, ‘any person who has sexual connection with another person by the introduction of the penis into the anus or mouth of the other person is said to commit carnal intercourse against the order of nature’.

The offence is punishable by a jail term of up to 20 years and whipping, as stated under Section 377B.

Layman term: In layman speak, it means it’s a crime for any man to engage in anal sex or penile oral sex — fellatio aka blowjob, consensual or not.

Wait… what a sexist law!! Discriminating against men… note the ‘penis’ word. If you look at the way it’s phrased, it looks as though it’s only the men, the person who inserts the penis into the mouth of another, who will be prosecuted. It means the woman will go scot free, whether it’s consensual or otherwise???

ps: NH, ini lah time kalau ada awek doctor, ko boleh tanya.. benda-benda technical Then aku sebagai kawan, boleh tumpang tanya jugak! Usaha lagi!

*ROTFLMAOWLKITA- Rolling on floor laughing my ass off with legs kicking in the air.

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Posted in Crap, Current Affairs, Humour, Mainstream Media, Silly | 23 Comments »