Of Beyonce, Siti Nurhaliza, Fella-doing-a-Horatio and Cunning-linguist?

Absurd – adj. utterly or obviously senseless, illogical, or untrue; contrary to all reason or common sense; laughably foolish or false

It is absurd that we have Malaysians dressing up as sexy or even sexier than Beyonce walking in the streets but we want to impose dress code for Beyonce to perform in Malaysia.

It is absurd that compromise means we are expected to get lesser deal, a watered down version of Beyonce. Instead of Beyonce as Beyonce, you have Beyonce dressing up as Siti Nurhaliza. Or is it Siti Nurhaliza playing Beyonce? I’m confused.

Compromise is a must for we are living in a diverse, complicated and overly sensitised society. But in my opinion, compromise should be made among parties who have disputes over a deal, not the deal itself. The original deal must be remained unchanged. The trick here is to let people to be free to make their informed choice, based on their level of acceptance, cultural and religious beliefs, sensitivities whatever.

The right decision is to let Beyonce performs as Beyonce as long as she is not breaking the laws and as far as I know, dressing provocatively, being sexy and shaking your booty is not a crime in this country, yet.

So, spare the moral teachings, cultural sensitivities and your creative definitions of ‘provocative’ and ’sexy’ to yourself  because those things are subjective. It is ridiculous and unwise to impose something which is subjective in nature, for many of us do not share the same set of beliefs.

As for the conservatives – allow me to call them the anal retentive bunch (only in my worthless opinion) –  they are free to make their voices heard and let them preach to their supporters or convert non believers. They should stay away from the concert together with those who believe in their cause but shouldn’t disrupt the concert itself from going on. They can boycott the concert by all means, just let people choose freely whether to join them or not.

As for those who bend on enjoying their worldly pleasures – the hedonistic hell seekers (again, only in my worthless opinion) – they are free to enjoy the performance by the sexy, provocatively dressed, booty shaking Beyonce. No judgement should be made against them for going to the concert, because it’s their own choice to make. It is interesting to note, personal choice is becoming extinct in this country.

By this arrangement, the anal retentive bunch will be happy because they are allowed to voice out their displeasures over the act and together with their followers staying away from this unhealthy distraction and getting their faith intact. The hedonistic hell seekers also happy because they are closer to hell now. Beyonce is happy because she doesn’t have to dress up like Siti Nurhaliza. Everyone is happy, isn’t that what we want?

You know what else is absurd in this country? It is a crime to have fellatio but somehow it is not to have cunnilingus. Read on Section 377A of the Penal Code. Wait, fellatio what? Fella doing a Horatio? Cunnilingus what? Cunning-linguist? Well, fellatio – blowjob. Cunnilingus – dining at the V. Still don’t get it?

Blowjob – The stimulation of the penis using the lips, tongue and inside of the mouth, either as a prelude to further sexual activity or as a means of inducing orgasm and ejaculation directly. Dining at the V – an antonym of blowjob, in this case the act of oral stimulation is performed on the clitoris or vulva of the female.

I am sorry, I may have shaken your faith there with my overly detailed descriptions but I already tried my best to make it sounds as scientific and boring as it can be. Stop imagining things now! *snapping fingers*

Welcome to Malaysia, where absurdity is overrated.

ps: I don’t quite get the crotch hugging swimsuit ‘dress’ that many female artists wearing to perform lately. You guys sure have noticed Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Shakira, Beyonce, Madonna wearing it.

Fugly piece of clothing. Too much focus on the camel toe, erk. Especially when these women move in a BIG way. *shudders*

Posted in 2 cents, Boleh-ism, Bolehland, Celebrities, Current Affairs, Music, Observation, Obsession, People, Rants, Sarcastic, Thoughts | 5 Comments »

Sodomee may cause constipation??

(Image source: TV Smith)

This is too funny… Nyahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Take note, next time if you have constipation problem, your doctor may ask you some ‘disturbing questions’ such as:

You: Yor Doc, I have trouble passing my crap for the pass few days. I feel constipated.

Doctor: Errm..hrmm hmm… Did you have anal sex before?

You: No!

Doctor: Did you ‘accidentally’ put any object in your anus before?

You: Of course not!

Had you been sodomised?

Me:

ROTFLMAOWLKITA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From NST:

Police classify case as sodomy

KUALA LUMPUR: The sexual assault report against Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim has been classified as sodomy.

This was the first time police have revealed that investigations had started after earlier saying that the allegations were mere heresay.

Yesterday, Deputy Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Ismail Omar put to rest speculation about the investigations.

“The case has been classified as sodomy,” he told the New Straits Times, adding that he could not comment further as investigations were still going on.

It was, however, learnt that police had classified the case as sodomy after receiving the medical report on the accuser, Mohd Saiful Bukhari Azlan, who was an aide to the Parti Keadilan Rakyat de facto leader.

On Sunday, Federal CID director Datuk Bakri Zinin had urged the public not to speculate on the case, saying police needed time to probe the allegations, which at the time, were merely hearsay.Mohd Saiful, 23, had lodged a police report on Saturday, alleging that he had been sodomised by his boss, Anwar, several times.On Monday, police forensics personnel were seen going into a unit at the Desa Damansara condominiums here in Damansara Heights, where the alleged incident took place.

On allegations by a relative of Mohd Saiful that several police stations had earlier refused to accept his report after he named Anwar as the “assailant”, Ismail said they were investigating that claim.

Mohd Saiful, meanwhile, is believed to be under police protection. His family claimed that they have had no news from him ever since he lodged the report on Saturday night.

Checks yesterday also revealed that doctors at the Kuala Lumpur Hospital, after a battery of tests, found indications that Mohd Saiful had engaged in anal sex.

The New Straits Times learnt that doctors had taken stool samples for further investigation.

It was believed that Mohd Saiful had also complained of constipation when he was taken to the Hospital Kuala Lumpur outpatient ward.

Doctors, however, found something amiss during the check-up and upon questioning Mohd Saiful, learnt that he had been sodomised.

Checks on the Internet reveal that acute or forced sodomy can cause constipation. A University Malaya Medical Centre doctor said fear, mental trauma and the physical act could have caused the constipation.

“An anal tear and the pain could have resulted in the victim having difficulty in passing motion.”

HAHAHAHA! What? Checks on the Internet? Imagine this reporter googling ‘constipation+sodomy’. Hmm.. contrary to popular beliefs that anal sex ‘loosen’ the passage and make it easier for you to crap, it will cause constipation? I am enlightened again! For all this while I thought constipation happenned because either you have piles, lack of fibre or didn’t drink enough water!!! Pardon my ignorance.

Then, since when a person suffering from constipation need to go to the Kuala Lumpur General Hospital to be checked? Go normal general practitioner will do lah! An enema will solve the problem. So many DOCTORS to check on constipation instead of a doctor.

Community message from The Flaccid Mind :

Stay away from hammering someone’s backside or allowing back entry. It is CONSTIPATING.

Warning by the government of Malaysia

Under Section 377A of the Penal code, ‘any person who has sexual connection with another person by the introduction of the penis into the anus or mouth of the other person is said to commit carnal intercourse against the order of nature’.

The offence is punishable by a jail term of up to 20 years and whipping, as stated under Section 377B.

Layman term: In layman speak, it means it’s a crime for any man to engage in anal sex or penile oral sex — fellatio aka blowjob, consensual or not.

Wait… what a sexist law!! Discriminating against men… note the ‘penis’ word. If you look at the way it’s phrased, it looks as though it’s only the men, the person who inserts the penis into the mouth of another, who will be prosecuted. It means the woman will go scot free, whether it’s consensual or otherwise???

ps: NH, ini lah time kalau ada awek doctor, ko boleh tanya.. benda-benda technical Then aku sebagai kawan, boleh tumpang tanya jugak! Usaha lagi!

*ROTFLMAOWLKITA- Rolling on floor laughing my ass off with legs kicking in the air.

Posted in Crap, Current Affairs, Humour, Mainstream Media, Silly | No Comments »