I know the current political situation in this country is not funny. Well, it is kinda funny, but it is not funny enough to laugh. I am going to share some jokes today, we need to laugh more at this trying times.
Cannibal Head Hunter
A cannibal-head hunter was walking through the Sarawak jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal-head hunter.
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…
1) Any Tourist: RM 5.00
2) Broiled Korean Missionary: RM 10.00
3) Fried American Explorer: RM 15.00
4) Grilled and baked UMNO minister: RM 100.00
The cannibal-head hunter called the waiter over and asked, ‘Why such a big price difference for the Umno minister’ head?’
The cook replied, ‘Have you ever tried to clean one?
They’re so full of shit, it takes all morning to prepare it.
Samyvellu on his election erection.
Samy Vellu went to his appointment with the urologist. In the examining room he told the nurse, “Don’t laugh!”
“Of course I won’t laugh, I’m a professional nurse. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.”
“Okay then,” Samy said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest ‘man thingy’ the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn’t have been bigger than an AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure. “I’m so sorry,” said the nurse. “I don’t know what came over me. On my honour as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won’t happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?”
“…It’s swollen,” Samy replied.
Rafidah, Sharizat & Jean Abdullah on Judgement Day.
Rafidah, Shahrizat & Jean Abdullah meet GOD on Judgement Day.
GOD says “‘I understand all of you are from Malaysia , which to the Bumis, is also known as ‘heaven-on-earth’. Here too you all shall be treated according to status. You shall meet the who’s who of the Malaysian cream of the crop. You can see two giant gates over there. On one is stated Bumi & the other Non-Bumi. Just go to the respective gates & mention your name. BUT remember, should your claim turns out to be false, you shall be condemned to the tortures of hell for all eternity and lose any chance of redemption whatsoever.”
Jean goes over first. She stands outside the Bumi gate and mentions her name. The digital display flashes “DLL” and a ear- piercing alarm rings out. The gate opens to reveal a chamber of raging fire of intense heat. “Welcome to hell’ booms a burly turbaned Sikh as he pulls her in. His name tag reads as Irwan Shah Abdullah@DJ Dave@Sukhdave Singh.
Rafidah & Shahrizat are caught by surprise but smile at each other knowingly. Next goes Shahrizat. She too stands outside the Bumi gate & mentions her name. The digital display screen flashes “MAMAK” and another ear-piercing alarm triggers. The gate opens to reveal an icy cold chamber way below freezing point. ‘Welcome home, I’m Mamoothy’, says a sarcastic voice who’s name tag reads as Mahathir s/o Mohd Kutty.
Rafidah who is very sure of qualifying, walks over haughtily to the gate which she feels is her birth-right. Just as she mentions her name, the digital display flashes “INDIAN” .There is a thunderous flash and the gate opens to reveal a pot-bellied figure with a trident in hand & nothing else on except a wig. A familiar voice rings out ‘Selamat datang Paduka, Kemaluan saya amat besar, tetapi walau bagaimana pun…….’.He can’t go on as he is salivating and panting heavily. She is too shocked for words and turns around in time to hear GOD say just before the gate closes forever “Your particulars in our record shows your middle name to be AP instead of binti….