I am having a problem. I have no idea what to write on this blog, but I want to write. I can’t find anything that I feel the urge to write about, lately. I spent these few days, every now and then reading my old posts, and I noticed that I normally write out of frustrations and anger.
Probably, after so long, I am kinda get used and become immune to those feelings now that I don’t feel like venting it out anymore. I think the word is ‘conditioned’.
Frustration. Anger. Helpless. Hope.
Love? That’s for me to keep, it is a private thing. That’s why I don’t write about it. I love to be naked, literally and figuratively, but sharing that private part of me is more naked than naked, to me. Not about having balls or not to write about it. No about wanting to have an ‘image’ or ‘persona’. People asked me, why you never talk about your girlfriend. Duh, should I? What it has to do with you?
Well, I may share some stories with you if you are really close to me. I don’t poke into your business, unless you let me in, vice versa. I am a very private person, I like to believe that. Outside, I may seem like a social butterfly. (using butterfly as an analogy on a man, is a bit… nevermind) There are things I just don’t share, not to anyone but myself. Even among close friends, there are many different levels of interactions. Good friends I have abundance. Close friends I have very little. Hi-bye friends I have plenty. Lousy friends I have many.
Ah, there is a friend. He is a friend from work, previous company. He is extremely annoying in the sense of he is very ‘pokey’. ‘Pokey‘ as in ‘poking into your business at every chance’ and keep asking probing questions, it feels like you are in a middle of an interrogation session. He is worst than a woman. (Ooops!!! Sexist alert! Okay I rephrase, he is worst than a bitch. Heh, I am writing like one now.. No, I doubt he will read this, so I can bitch about him what I want. )
A typical conversation with him will be a one sided affair, he will ask all the questions, whilst yours truly is trying hard looking uninterested, hoping he will get the message. But no. He is a bit low on the brain matter, or perception I think. His questions will come non stop, think of a scene where a crazy, high and deranged shooter with a M-16 machine gun, shooting non-stop, emptying the bullets against helpless targets.
Things he will ask without fail if he sees me online on the messenger (I quickly switched to ‘stealth mode’ – invisible when I see him. But sometimes when I was busy doing other things and he went online at that time, I didn’t manage to hide lol! )
Where are you now? What are the projects you are doing now? What position you are now? What is the name of your company? Big or not? How many staffs? How much salary you are getting? Got allowance or not? What benefits the company gives you? What are the designs you are doing now? Do you go to site? Do you do supervision? Answer me. Answer me. Why you never answer my questions. (Yes, he wrote this when I was a bit ‘slow’ on the replies.)
The questions may seem of no importance, just typical questions from a friend with good intention asking about your well being, but this guy, he does not give a damn about you. He asked those questions, to gather the information and then use it for his bragging rights. He is a liar too. Aiya, to keep it simple, he’s damn annoying and some people just plain annoying for no reason. Born with it. Born to be annoying. Born to be stupid. Nevermind about him. Move on. (Er, I am not very good at writing bitchy post LOL!)
My life is still hanging in imbalance, I wonder when the mess I created will end so that I can breathe a little bit easier. At times, I don’t even want to think about it.
Some people remarked to me, you should plan this, do that. Some said I have not done or tried hard enough. Little that they know that I often played the scenarios, plans countless times in my head. It is easy to talk, doing it is another thing. When limitations and obstacles set in, you see your nice little plans burned to dust. I am trying, as hard as I can
Hmm, maybe today I should just pick it up from where I left, my stranded short stories I written back then.
Short story Part 1 – The Beginning
Short story Part 2 – Grab it all you can
Let’s put it this way. We all agree to stop doing this as a group after this meeting. This group is gone with the wind. If anyone wants to continue, he does it at his own risks. He cannot get the rest of us to help him. If he gets caught one day, he must shoulder it himself and never spill the beans on us. I personally no longer want to do this. I will stop doing this and I hope all of you stop too. So from now on, we are all on our own, agree?” Nub tried to put a clear message to his friends.
“I am okay with that. I don’t feel good about this going on for a long time too. Anyone that wants to continue, do it on your own. Be sure to keep your mouth shut about the rest of us if something not good happened to you. That is all I asked“, said Limas, who was keeping quiet all this while doing his on thinking about what Nub just said.
“Agreed“, echoed the rest of the boys.
Chapter 3 : “Shocking Revelations and The Bust”
“Parameswara melarikan diri dari Palembang…” “Tok! Tok Tok!” The History lesson was disturbed by the rapping sound on the class door. The school’s clerk, Pakcik Maun was at the door. “Cikgu, boleh saya jumpa Nub dan Limas?” (Teacher, may I see Nub and Limas?) “Ya, ada perkara apa?” (Yes, on what matter?), the History teacher ask Pakcik Maun.
“Minta mereka ke pejabat *PK HEM. Pn. Sumarni hendak jumpa” (Pn. Sumarni wants to see them at her office)
Nub and Limas stood up and walked out from the class, following Pakcik Maun…
To be continued.. (LOL! This post is getting too long)
ps: Thanks kNizam for the pat-on-the-shoulder.
pss: Thanks Nic for being a fan. I quote from his message to me:
“Hi Bong. You may not know me, in fact I don’t even know you. But I just want to tell you that your blog has also inspired me to create my own blog.
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Anyways, I just want to tell you good luck and keep your blogging up!”
psss: Thank you, again.