How to do it, Umno-style. A half baked guide to be an Umno member

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Umno sacks Zaid
Rahmah Ghazali | Dec 2, 08 11:42pm

Umno Supreme Council today sacked Zaid Ibrahim from the party for attending opposition events.

Umno president Abdullah Ahmad Badawi made the announcement at about 11.30pm after chairing the supreme council meeting at party headquarters in Putra World Trade Centre in Kuala Lumpur.

Abdullah did not give any details of the opposition events that Zaid had attended.

The supreme council meeting started at 8.30pm and Zaid’s participation in the opposite camp was among the main agenda for the day.

To a question by reporters, Abdullah said that Zaid had no avenue to appeal against his dismissal.

“Once he has been sacked, there is no opportunity to appeal,” said the prime minister during the 10-minute press conference.

Also present at the press conference were his deputy Najib Abdul Razak and party secretary general Tengku Adnan Mansor.

When asked if Zaid had provoked this sort of action from the party by being seen with the opposition, Abdullah said:

“There were wrongdoings by Zaid as he was seen in the company of the opposition leaders. This is something which is against Umno ethics.”

Party had no choice

Abdullah said that Umno had no choice but to take that drastic action against Zaid.

“The party must be consistent in these sort of matters,” he added.

The former de facto law minister has been toying with the opposition ever since he stepped down from his government post in September over his disapproval of the Internal Security Act.

Last Saturday he made a shocking appearance at the PKR national congress opening. He however had denied that he had joined any of the opposition parties.

“Yes, yes, I am still in Umno. I have not been sacked yet,” he had told reporters on Saturday.

And on Friday night, he was seen at the DAP victory dinner in Penang.

Aris Shah still an Umno member

On another matter, Abdullah said that the council also discussed the situation involving Seberang Jaya state assemblyperson Arif Shah Omar Shah who was reportedly being allured by the PKR.

There were also reports of an open tiff between Arif Shah and other state Umno leaders.

PKR leader Anwar Ibrahim also revealed today that he had invited Arif Shah to join PKR, but had not offered him the deputy chief minister 1 post as an enticement, as was widely reported.

Abdullah said that Arif Shah had met him and told him of his intention to remain in Umno.

“He came to meet me yesterday. He explained to me that he has no intention to join another political party.

“He remains as an Umno member and will be an Umno state assemblyperson,” said Abdullah.

No candidate yet for Kuala Terengganu

On the forthcoming Kuala Terengganu by-election, Abdullah said that the party has not finalised a candidate for the parliamentary seat.

However he said that the party has ordered its election machinery to be hit the ground for the by-election.

The seat fell vacant following the sudden death of its two-term Umno MP Razali Ismail on Nov 28.

The Election Commission will be meeting on Friday to determine the nomination and polling dates for the by-election which should be held 60 days from today.

PAS has said that it would be placing its candidate for the by-election.

On another matter, Abdullah also said that Najib briefed the council members on the economic situation of the country.

Eurocopter whistleblower suspended

The supreme council at its meeting today also decided to suspend the Petaling Jaya Umno division chief Zahar Hashim for three years with immediate effect.

Zahar had previously been involved in lodging an Anti-Corruption Agency report against Abdullah for abusing his position as the Umno president in the run-up to party polls and nominations.

He was also the person who first raised the alleged discrepancies in the government’s tender process for the procurement of a new fleet of helicopters for the armed forces.

(Source: Malaysiakini)

Now we learn few things about Umno..

1) You can make racially charged (Ahmad Ismail) or barbarian degrading remarks (Pasir Salak MP) but it is okay. The most you get suspended for 3 years and still received hero’s welcome (Ahmad Ismail) or free like bird to do or say whatever you want because you are a hero! (Pasir Salak)

Did I mention that if you are trying to be a good citizen by raising the discrepancies in the government’s tender process or lodging ACA reports on suspected corrupt wrongdoings you may get suspended for 3 years as well? So you should not be a good citizen in Umno.

Be corrupted, it is okay if you admitted in the public about being corrupted, nothing will be done. But if you try to be a whistleblower and a good citizen, that’s stupid yor..

2) You are worthless since you lose the election badly (Arif Shah) but you are still an asset to the party. That’s Umno, full of shitty people in there. I am glad Umno sacked Zahid Ibrahim. Who wants to be in a fascist party, surrounded by morons – yucks! Why you think Umno leaders welcome morons? Morons can’t think and they are good at kissing asses.. You don’t need water or toilet paper anymore. Ugh.. that’s yucky. Umno is a yucky party.

3) Being in the company of the oppositions leaders in an offence. But, doing or planning meetings with opposition leaders in the name of  Islam and Malays unity is fine. Of course if any opposition member is seen with the establishment/government leaders, that’s also fine because it is a right thing to do. Who wants to be seen with opposition leaders? If you have Facebook account with opposition leaders as your friends, you must delete them from the list before you join Umno.

4) A man with principles like Zaid is not welcome in Umno. So what kind of people Umno wants? Well if you are popular like Mawi, you are welcome. If you are good at saying “Bloody bastard!! I dare you.. bla bla bla” or making derogatory remarks you are definitely in the right party. Uncouth and uneducated behaviour is a bonus, seriously considered by Umno. You probably get to be a ‘wakil rakyat’ to show your heroic antics.

Umno leaders lead by example. For instance the head honcho of Umno is so damn good at telling lies, that’s why he’s the leader. If you are still an ordinary, worthless Umno member, now start telling lies so you can climb up the hierachy faster. Better if you do it on national paper, tv.

Umno love losers. Again, the head honcho of Umno is leading by example:

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi is a Loser. Abdullah Ahmad Badawi lost Penang to DAP. Abdullah Ahmad Badawi also losing the trust and support in Penang.

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi also lost to regain power in Kelantan, and he lost too in Kedah, Perak, and Selangor.

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi beginning to lose a lot in other states, such as Sabah, Sarawak, Terengganu, Pahang, Johor, Melaka, Negeri Sembilan, and Perlis.

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi also losing the loyalty of UMNO members nationwide.

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi losing the confidence in Barisan Nasional.

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi also losing the confidence of Malaysians in Malaysia.

(Zubli Zainordin – A Total Blog)

So if you are not a loser, forget about making it big in Umno. Go join PPP and become clowns with M. Kayveas. Clowns, Umno loves them as friends. Why you think Samyvellu, M. Kayveas are there for? For the Indians? Jokinglah you..

Ong Ka Ting was not very successful as a clown, too bad. The poor man tried, but some things if you are not born with it, no matter how hard you try, you get nowhere. M. ayveas is definitely on the right track to replace Samyvellu as the next biggest clown. This is a story about M. Kayveas by a friend.

KAYVEAS AND HIS NEW BOOTS.
————————–

Kayveas always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so
seeing some on sale, he buys them and wants to wear them to parliament.Of course he has to get special permission, because he is no longer a parlimentarian, in fact none of his party members retained their seat.

T.Murugiah is the sole PPP representative that too by virtue of being appointed senator, is still hurt that his party boss called him a “small boy” hungering for revenge he persuaded Speaker Pandikar to allow it. In the end Pandikar Amin Mulia reluctantly agreed.Walking proudly, he goes into the august house and says to Pandikar Amin Mulia, “Notice anything different about me?”

Speaker Pandikar looks him over, “Nope, not a thing”.

Frustrated, Kayveas storms off into the bathroom, undresses and walks back into the parliament completely naked except for the boots. Again he asks a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

Karpal is screaming, “Point of order, this an insult to the house!”

T.Murugiah smirks, and announces “…..and he has the cheek to call me “small boy” .”

Azalina looks up and says, “Kayveas, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”

Furious,Kayveas yells, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN ?” (desperately trying to draw attention to his boots)

“Nope and I dont really care because it doesnt interest me”, Azalina replies.

At this point Bung Mokhtar interjects, “Err.. lift it a little , I cannot see the hidden fruits.”

“What fruits ? There are none, I checked before the last elections,” adds Wira Ali Rustam.

Tajudin Rahman (pasir salak) known for his limited vocabulary said, “B@st@rd %^&**&^&**(( @#$#^&**^%$%^& you are trying to show off that you are bigger then me!”

Kulasegaran (Ipoh Barat): “Nonsense everybody is bigger than you, I would like to move a motion to have Pasir Salak measured.”

Tajudin Rahman: “B@st@rd %^&**&^&**(( @#$#^&**^%$%^&!! I dare you to repeat those words outside parliament.”

Really furious now, KAYVEAS yells, “IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!” he says sarcastically, angry that nobody is noticing his boots.

Pandikar Amin replies, “You should have bought a hat, Kayveas. You should have bought a hat!”
———x—————-

Vijay Kumar Murugavell

Tags: Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, Current Affairs, Idiots, Jokes, M. Kayveas, Malaysia, Malaysiakini, UMNO, Zaid Ibrahim