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Confronting my devil


I am a sarcastic person. I would be overly sarcastic when I am pissed off. Believe me, you don’t want to be on the receiving end when I am in that mode. At that moment, I would forget all my manners. Generally I think I am quite a good mannered person and you seldom see me get angry over things. Yes, I am not that angry person as you imagine by reading stuffs written by me in this blog. I am actually a very easy going person, I love plants and animals, I hug trees.. hahaha!

I would not hesitate to say things I should not say even to people that I love and respect. I tend to say the meanest things when I am angry. Personally I think it is more less hurtful to be told off directly than sarcastically, so the things I would say at that time are more hurting. Most of the time, I regretted what I said after I cooled down and evaluated my actions. More than not, I swallowed my egotastical pride and  apologised.

I am very lucky, despite my shortcomings, I have many good friends around me. They helped me through thick and thin, offering advices when I strayed away. You would ask, why I said things I should not say to these good people around me? After looking back, in a different perspective and stepping into their shoes I realised few things.

Things that get on my nerve, (however right it is..) and my usual reactions to it:

1. People say I am wrong. I am always right, I want to believe that. But, as you know nobody can be right all the time.

I would argue until it looks like I am right. I think I am pretty good with words and making arguments, so I can turn black into white if I want to. Such an anal person that I am. If I am at the brink of losing, I would argue sarcastically and because I am such a long winded person when it comes to wordy, lengthy arguments.. I always ‘win’. Now you know I can be delusional at times.

2. People treat me like an idiot. I am the smartest individual in this world, I want to believe that. But as you know nobody is a fool but one that thinks he is the smartest.

Very often, due to courtesy and being polite, instead of telling it to my arrogant face, friends or people around me would drop hints. They know I would get the meaning. But, most of the time, I would pretend I don’t know and continue doing my own shits. Then, they repeated the hints again. After too many times (in my flawed opinion), I would get annoyed. I find it very annoying  and unbearable when people keep repeating the same things (in this case dropping hints) to me. I hate nagging very much and I try not to do it to people.

I do understand, they want me to acknowledge my mistakes and at least respond to the ‘hints’. Em, I actually in a way would hint back that I want no further discussion by sidetracking the topic or ignore it, but ones need to face his own devil and own up at some point no? What would really piss me off is people don’t tell it straight to my face but dropping innuendos and hints all over the place and expect me to pick it up. Well it is a dilemma really, if you tell it straight to my face, I would probably still piss off. Either way, you are screwed because I am pretty screwed up myself at times.

This is something I said to a person when I was pissed off.

“Seriously, I am not that stupid to read hints and innuendos. I know. I may have no sense and responsibility but I am not dumb either. People make bad choices and revisited their mistakes sometimes.”

Harsh eh? Especially when it was directed to a person that helped me a lot and expect nothing out of it, someone I have a lot of respect for. And before that, I said something like “Save your kind words.” I am so wrecked up at that time. Well I apologised afterwards and fortunately being a gracious, big hearted person, he accepted my apology or else I would lost a good friend.

It is surprising (and deeply troubling) to revisit things that you would say to the people that love and care for you. Sometimes, I think while we reserve the heaven and the best of things for the people we love and care, we also give them the hell and the worst, painful things we can imagine. Don’t you think so? Could it also because things said by people closer to you are significantly more piercing and dear to your heart than other insignificant individuals? No matter how I look at it, I must say, we should admit our mistakes when we are at fault. Who is the messager doesn’t matter. How it is delivered means nothing. You can argue of how people should tell you nicely, but in the end you will realise what important is the substance, not the form.

ps: I am deeply sorry for offending many people that I care and have a lot of respect for and here I would like to sincerely extend my deepest apology for the things that I said and did. I am grateful to have you all as my friends and my loved ones. I shall not mention names, but you know who you are. Siapa makan cili dia rasa pedas, right?

pss: Noktah Hitam – Selamat Hari Jadi in advance. Just in case I get intoxicated on 9th November and forgot to wish you. Have a blast!

psss: Arsenal vs ManYoo tomorrow’s night. 7 players paralysed, 2 defeats to ikan bilis clubs, a draw with the most bottom club, another draw with a club they beaten 5-2 previously, what next? Sigh!

 

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22 Responses to “Confronting my devil”

  1. |1f34|-|1r3 wrote on Nov 7, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    Chill la bro..aku rasa ko best…tuh yg penting…..eddie pon rasa ko best..callister pon rasa ko best….haha :up:

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  2. angeles wrote on Nov 7, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    your devil twin is james… james bong.. 😛

    i thot u gonna write abt rpk today, mana tau…

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  3. suituapui wrote on Nov 7, 2008 at 5:07 pm

    Sob! Sob!…Hug! Hug!…Kiss! Kiss! Umm…strike out the last two! LOL!!!

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  4. atreyu strange wrote on Nov 7, 2008 at 6:09 pm

    eyooo~ i think i’d HATE you if i knew you. huhu. as a 1st impression, that is. 🙄

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  5. nono wrote on Nov 7, 2008 at 9:36 pm

    biasala, kadang2 dah marah for sure la meletup. kita nak puaskan hati yang marah jak pun. and this normally happen dgn family especially and sangat sik fair untuk sidak. tapi in some ways, kita try la to control. sik kan kita nak expect people to faham kita setiap masa kan? orang lain pun ada perasaan juak.. and bila dah reda, ringan2 kan la mulut ya untuk mintak maaf…….

    oit, i bukan nak ajar you. the same thing pun i kenak apply to myself juak pasal i lagik la ranggat! serious.. :$: huhuhuhuuhuhuhuh…….

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  6. NoktahHitam wrote on Nov 7, 2008 at 10:43 pm

    Bro, that’s not harsh at all. That’s petty talk. Hahaha.

    Thanks for the a …. birthday wish…. Hava a… ape bong? Since when you gagap like forest gump?

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  7. Mar wrote on Nov 8, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    Hey,i tot Fri post suppose to be light? Haha.

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  8. Saffa wrote on Nov 8, 2008 at 5:26 pm

    Yup! It would be less hurtful to be told off directly than sarcastically.
    I have phobia during form5 because I have mess up with a group of MEAN girl in my class and end up being tease for the whole year.
    There’s nothing right in my eyes..
    Even when my friends and I ordered a pizza to celebrate our graduation etc, they sarcastically talk about pizza in front of me the day after that. 🙁

    p/s: my heart would beat even more faster if I saw them, or hearing about them.. 🙄

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  9. sootspirit wrote on Nov 9, 2008 at 1:31 am

    hahaha i also hate it when people treated me like an idiot
    saya orang paling bijak weh
    well, maybe m not the smartest creature on earth
    at least saya tahu berfikir mengikut logik
    mungkin dalam bahasa kasar, saya bodoh sombong
    haha 😡

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  10. missmalaysia wrote on Nov 10, 2008 at 10:12 am

    this is a humbling post…i loved it. it dug deep into your core, very honest and sincere. that’s why you are my best ‘ex’ ;)i accept your apology and forgive you too for everything 🙂 🙂 😛

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  11. Vijay Kumar Murugavell wrote on Nov 10, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    There is a saying that goes “you cannot please everyone so why not please yourself”

    I think I have honed sarcasm to a fine art, where those I critisize think I am praising them, and those I actually side think I am lampooning them.

    I plead insanity, voices come into my head, recently Cicero..lol
    But in the past week *winking knowingly* 2 people have taught me again about the basic coutesies of please and thank you, one of the is you Dear Bong and the other is a prominent blogger who was couteous enough to publish a full page apology to me.

    My late guru once told me, wisdom is more valuble than knowledge but compassion is infinitely more valueble than wisdom-and knowing this is the beginning of wisdom.

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  12. bongkersz wrote on Nov 11, 2008 at 11:38 am

    Sarcasm is a fine art, only appreciated by few 😛 ‘Pleasing myself is what I always do.’ Er, that doesn’t sounds very right.. 😀

    Lol, using Cicero’s name in vain! I must applaud kayteemoc for publishing that apology, a dedicated post somemore.

    Compassion is what we are lacking nowadays, I guess.

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  13. bongkersz wrote on Nov 11, 2008 at 11:47 am

    please don’t hate me 😛 i am very loveable.. really. haha!

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  14. bongkersz wrote on Nov 11, 2008 at 11:47 am

    eheh.. am i so predictable? 😛

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  15. bongkersz wrote on Nov 11, 2008 at 12:05 pm

    Hug! Hug! Damn you are too big to be hugged!

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  16. angel_lina wrote on Nov 11, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    hi bongkersz !

    See ya in Miri, soon ……

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  17. bongkersz wrote on Nov 11, 2008 at 1:52 pm

    This is light, from me 😛

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  18. bongkersz wrote on Nov 12, 2008 at 1:24 pm

    Some girls can be so mean yeah? Glad you are okay now 🙂

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  19. bongkersz wrote on Nov 12, 2008 at 1:25 pm

    Haha! Typo lah.. Tertaip and terdelete 😀

    Petty talk.. you are right there 😛

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  20. Gallivanter wrote on Nov 12, 2008 at 1:32 pm

    My train of thought is lost after reading the Arsenal bit! 🙂 OLE! Beating Manure is wonderful, and hope they can keep it up and not lose to some smallfry team again!

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  21. bongkersz wrote on Nov 12, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    Always dude!! Beating any of Manure, Liverfool and Chelski always damn wonderful! Ehem, Arsenal ‘youngsters’ just beaten Wigan haha! :up: Got to keep it up, yes.. better watch out those small fries.. save the team from embarassment!

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  22. Woof-woof wrote on Nov 14, 2008 at 3:09 pm

    Nice one, Bong! Damn….ur sure ur not describing me in this post? 😆 Sounds awfully familiar 🙂

    We all have our faults, the important thing is to recognise them and then take steps to recitify them….someday, we’ll be purr-fect! 😛

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