I am a sarcastic person. I would be overly sarcastic when I am pissed off. Believe me, you don’t want to be on the receiving end when I am in that mode. At that moment, I would forget all my manners. Generally I think I am quite a good mannered person and you seldom see me get angry over things. Yes, I am not that angry person as you imagine by reading stuffs written by me in this blog. I am actually a very easy going person, I love plants and animals, I hug trees.. hahaha!
I would not hesitate to say things I should not say even to people that I love and respect. I tend to say the meanest things when I am angry. Personally I think it is more less hurtful to be told off directly than sarcastically, so the things I would say at that time are more hurting. Most of the time, I regretted what I said after I cooled down and evaluated my actions. More than not, I swallowed my egotastical pride and apologised.
I am very lucky, despite my shortcomings, I have many good friends around me. They helped me through thick and thin, offering advices when I strayed away. You would ask, why I said things I should not say to these good people around me? After looking back, in a different perspective and stepping into their shoes I realised few things.
Things that get on my nerve, (however right it is..) and my usual reactions to it:
1. People say I am wrong. I am always right, I want to believe that. But, as you know nobody can be right all the time.
I would argue until it looks like I am right. I think I am pretty good with words and making arguments, so I can turn black into white if I want to. Such an anal person that I am. If I am at the brink of losing, I would argue sarcastically and because I am such a long winded person when it comes to wordy, lengthy arguments.. I always ‘win’. Now you know I can be delusional at times.
2. People treat me like an idiot. I am the smartest individual in this world, I want to believe that. But as you know nobody is a fool but one that thinks he is the smartest.
Very often, due to courtesy and being polite, instead of telling it to my arrogant face, friends or people around me would drop hints. They know I would get the meaning. But, most of the time, I would pretend I don’t know and continue doing my own shits. Then, they repeated the hints again. After too many times (in my flawed opinion), I would get annoyed. I find it very annoying and unbearable when people keep repeating the same things (in this case dropping hints) to me. I hate nagging very much and I try not to do it to people.
I do understand, they want me to acknowledge my mistakes and at least respond to the ‘hints’. Em, I actually in a way would hint back that I want no further discussion by sidetracking the topic or ignore it, but ones need to face his own devil and own up at some point no? What would really piss me off is people don’t tell it straight to my face but dropping innuendos and hints all over the place and expect me to pick it up. Well it is a dilemma really, if you tell it straight to my face, I would probably still piss off. Either way, you are screwed because I am pretty screwed up myself at times.
This is something I said to a person when I was pissed off.
“Seriously, I am not that stupid to read hints and innuendos. I know. I may have no sense and responsibility but I am not dumb either. People make bad choices and revisited their mistakes sometimes.”
Harsh eh? Especially when it was directed to a person that helped me a lot and expect nothing out of it, someone I have a lot of respect for. And before that, I said something like “Save your kind words.” I am so wrecked up at that time. Well I apologised afterwards and fortunately being a gracious, big hearted person, he accepted my apology or else I would lost a good friend.
It is surprising (and deeply troubling) to revisit things that you would say to the people that love and care for you. Sometimes, I think while we reserve the heaven and the best of things for the people we love and care, we also give them the hell and the worst, painful things we can imagine. Don’t you think so? Could it also because things said by people closer to you are significantly more piercing and dear to your heart than other insignificant individuals? No matter how I look at it, I must say, we should admit our mistakes when we are at fault. Who is the messager doesn’t matter. How it is delivered means nothing. You can argue of how people should tell you nicely, but in the end you will realise what important is the substance, not the form.
ps: I am deeply sorry for offending many people that I care and have a lot of respect for and here I would like to sincerely extend my deepest apology for the things that I said and did. I am grateful to have you all as my friends and my loved ones. I shall not mention names, but you know who you are. Siapa makan cili dia rasa pedas, right?
pss: Noktah Hitam – Selamat Hari Jadi in advance. Just in case I get intoxicated on 9th November and forgot to wish you. Have a blast!
psss: Arsenal vs ManYoo tomorrow’s night. 7 players paralysed, 2 defeats to ikan bilis clubs, a draw with the most bottom club, another draw with a club they beaten 5-2 previously, what next? Sigh!